Dear Little L,
Last Monday, I woke up with you – you and I were snuggling in bed – and your little body was so, so warm. You had a fever, dear boy, but not like the little fevers that you’ve had before – this was a fever, of epic proportions. Your entire body was radiating heat, and Mama was scared. I took your temperature later that morning – your fever hadn’t disappeared – and your temperature was hovering around 103 degrees. Mama was SCARED – you’ve never, ever had a temperature that high. You and Mama spent the day nursing and cuddling – you just weren’t yourself, sweetheart. You wouldn’t play, you wanted to snuggle, you slept most of the day – you were sick.
Mama was scared, so you and I went to the doctor’s office, where the nurses drew blood from both of your arms – you were so, so brave – and tested you for RSV. We found out later that you didn’t have RSV – thankfully, we were just dealing with a virus, which was most likely a cold of some sort. Your fever had already started to descend by the evening on Monday, which Mama was so thankful for.
But, of course, this week, Mama caught Daddy’s cold, which you then caught from Mama over the weekend, so your poor little body has been dealing with the sniffles and a few real coughs (thrown in between the fake ones that you are so very famous for).
Between all of our discarded Kleenexes and our doctor’s appointments and our diagnoses, what I’ve learned is that when you, my sweet boy, are feeling under the weather, my mama heart bursts with pangs of wanting to take away your sickness, wanting you to only experience the goodness of life, the safe parts, the healthy parts, the joyful parts…not the sniffles, the blood tests – not any of the icky parts. Mama – and Daddy, too – wish so, so badly that we could take away your sickness, even when it’s just a measly cold, or a cranky day, or anything else. We wish that we could protect you from everything, that we could do something, anything to prevent you from experiencing life’s hiccups, life’s hardships. But what you never fail to teach us, sweet boy, is that through and through, you are our brave, strong boy, and you always make it through it all – even the toughest of coughs – with a smile on your face and a sweet glimmer in your eyes.
Oh, my sweet boy – being a mama is hard sometimes…but oh, how your little life creates so much beauty in the world, in my world.
Lots of love,