…about Lionel being on the outside longer than on the inside.

Dear Sweet, Sweet L,

Today, Tuesday, March 5, 2013, marks 38 weeks, six days of your life. I was pregnant with your precious little self for 38 weeks, five days, and today marks the time when you’ve been in this world, this big, exciting world outside of my belly, longer than you were inside of me – and that’s an emotional thing for this mama.

When I look into your eyes, your green pools for eyes that crinkle half shut when you smile, I’m instantly transported back to that first moment that you and I met. After such a long labor and delivery process, after nearly 39 weeks of pregnancy, after three months of trying for you, after a lifetime of wanting to feel such complete and undying love for someone who was literally a part of me, someone so little and innocent…there you were. And you were more than I ever could have imagined.

Eating-Pancakes

Your nearly nine-month-old self certainly keeps me on my toes, little boy – your curiosity is unparalleled, your enthusiasm for life is infectious, and yet, you still reach for me, your mama, with each new adventure. When you sleep, your little body rests so wholly on mine, and I can feel your breaths even out in measure as you fall into slumber. When I reposition you, when your dreams make you stir, when I make even the slightest movement, your little fingers grasp my skin, my clothing, and as you burrow deeper and deeper into the comfort of my chest, your coziest and most favorite place to rest, my heart swells. Because you need your mama – and that’s been the one thing that hasn’t changed one bit since your arrival in our world.

These past 38 weeks and six days have been remarkable and wholly transformational. Being your mama has given my life a purpose that it’s never had before, and I feel so, so grateful for the opportunity to be the person that you see first when you awaken in the morning, to be the person who your arms reach for when you’re startled or in need of cuddles.

You love your daddy – there’s no question about that, especially when I see your eyes light up and your smile grow ten times bigger when your papa comes through the door every night after work – but there’s something special, something different about your love for your mama. And I feel so privileged to feel that love, that need, each and every day of your life.

Giving thanks today, and always, for your big, little life – all 38 weeks, six days {and counting},

– Mama

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