…about seeking a counterpart, not a ditto.

i recall a significant moment on our wedding day in 2010. i sat on the regal hotel bed that evening, still wearing my yellow shoes and my strapless satin and lace wedding gown, the dirt along the bottom edge from dragging my train all around our city’s downtown corridor. soaked in glee and sweat from the day’s 100-degree temperature, i turned to my suited-up husband and said, “let’s have a baby.” shocked, Jordan’s eyes grew to the size of a super-sized summer raindrop, and his face broke into a knowing smile.

to explain…i had decided earlier in my life, long before i met Jordan on our first date of work in 2006, that kiddos were not in my future. in fact, i had always pictured myself living as a single lady in New York City, writing for a newspaper or magazine, and eventually adopting a child internationally and raising her (most certainly a daughter) on my own.

and then i met Jordan. and as overused as this phrase sounds, it’s still true that “everything changed” for me when i wore a hat to give me confidence and went on my first date with my now husband.

he wasn’t “the missing piece,” and he didn’t “complete me,” but he was (and is) the complement to all that i am. while i’m a debate-loving, emotion-guided, decisive yet irrational woman whose idea of “cooking” is ordering takeout, he’s a relaxed, logical, road-less-traveled and rational man who embraces his role as the maker of delicious dinners, the involved Daddy, the social get-together junkie.

one of the aspects of Jordan’s personality that i appreciate so much is how he allows me time to come to my own conclusions, despite the incredible accuracy with which he predicts my eventual decisions.

again, as is our special dance with each other, i often adopt the opposing strategy. where he’s patient, i’m a pusher, a debater, a pressure cooker in human form; where he’s content, even joyous, to allow time to simply operate and tick on by, if i want something, or if i know something and want to ensure that others believe what i know to be true, i’ll plant and tend to that growing desire like an obsessive apprentice eager to show her worth to her employer.

and so the tender, knowing smile that he shared with me that night, as he extracted bobby pin after bobby pin from my updo and then rubbed my feet, achy from dancing and merriment, was an emblem both of our relationship, and as of 7PM that evening, of our marriage as well.

he’s always been my counterpart, and he remains steadfast in this role even today.

of course i wanted to have babies with this man. of course. how could i not? he’s all that i’m not, and all that i want to be.

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