…about friendships as an adult.

A colleague shared with me recently that she finds it invaluable to have female friends – who are also married, working mamas – to lean on and to normalize the seemingly-trivial-but-not-at-all crises of the elusive work/life balance that we all are so {un}successfully trying to achieve.

Reader, this concept is, I fear, a bit foreign to me.

In short, maintaining friendships as a working, married, anxious, introverted, Enneagram Type 1 mama is not simply difficult – it’s damn near as improbable as my dog placing her chew toys inside the cute basket I bought for just that purchase. {Ahem, not happening.}

Here’s why friendships are hard for adult me:

1. I suck at being vulnerable, but once I get there, friends tend not to stick around. As soon as I feel like someone “gets” me (and not the me that is sporting a killer hair day and whose jokes land perfectly to a burst of giggles – I’m talking about the no-make-up, remove-the-‘I’ve-got-this’-fake- BS, dear-God-why-is-the-zit-army-attacking-my-chin, just-want-my-life-to-be-like-Monica-and-Chandler self), I hang on tightly.

2. I’m a perfectionist who expects, yup, perfection…or, at the very, very least, consideration. Miss my kiddo’s one-year-old cake smash to attend your second-cousin’s boyfriend’s graduation party? Girl, as soon as I question if I’m a priority in your life, my anxiety begins to convince myself that our friendship is doomed.

3. My non-negotiables are just that – DON’T EVEN. See also: gay marriage (very pro), dogs sleeping in bed with you (pro), trashy romance novels and Magic Mike (soooo pro), Jesus demonstrated and lived to teach love and not judgment of others (PREACH, LORD!), lemon-lime Gatorade tastes the best (DON’T EVEN), thinking the host of Unsolved Mysteries is totally a serial killer (duh, he’s guilty AF)…I tend to be as stubborn as they come when it comes to what I believe in, your reasoning be damned. And if you try to debate with me, I’ll lawyer you so hard (my husband frequently remarks at my fierce cross-examination tactics).

So, in an effort to discover this elusive female friend with whom to trash the leader of the free world while simultaneously allowing my son to continue to pee outside like a dog because the toilet is “scary,” I give you, in true* online-dating fashion, my want ad for a Friend:

Neurotic, slightly over-zealous cataloger of all parenting tips on the Internet seeks a working, married mama of littles to call and debate whose kitchen table is the grimiest of them all. If you sometimes wonder what is fuller – your towering laundry basket or the Mom Guilt in your overworked heart, we may be the perfect** pair. Bonus points if your husband is as perfect*** as mine, and the coffee’s on you if you’ve used a ‘y’ instead of an ‘i’ in your kids’ names (I’m looking at you, Khrystyne).

*Imagined – I’ve never used an online dating service, though I have frequently wondered if I could make a living as a writer by composing dating profiles for people.

**In this case, “perfect” means wearing the shirt that’s just patterned enough to hide this morning’s iced coffee stain.

***This use of “perfect” means the way that many husbands view themselves, a la the great Mary Poppins: “practically perfect in every way.” HA.

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Hi! I’m Sara.

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